An homage to my old blog name, the one that goes from about 2013 – 2021. That theme always fits. Life is kind of random.
The world is fucked up right now.
Of all the times to finally be happy.
So that’s where I am. Also, I’m shocked. It’s a hell of a thing to come into your own after living to try to make everyone else’s life easier. Even harder when you are kind of too much of a people pleaser.
But as I discussed with my therapist today, I’m finally trying to do the things that I enjoy and finding ways to stop doing the things I don’t want to do.
The main events in my life each month: two quilt guilds, line-dancing, square dancing, and Toastmasters.
I love, love, love everything around my two quilt guilds I belong to, and I try to make time to participate in every single thing about the guilds. The meetings are great with presentations, show and tell, and plenty of time to socialize. Then there are weekend sew days where you can do anything, work on anything, work on nothing, bring your machine, or don’t. No rules, just hanging out alongside other crafty people. Both of my guilds have those and the other also has a hand stitching night. Lots of opportunities to do things and while I’m at the various meetings and events I find out about other events and happenings.
Recently I joined an 8-week line-dancing class through my local community – that’s in my calendar in virtual pen (the color that says do not schedule over this event in my world.) This has been so much fun and my fitbit has been happy with me every week when I go – I might look to expand this to a second evening next spring.
Toastmasters. I enjoy public speaking and wish I felt secure enough in my knowledge about any particular topic to seek out and present on said topic. There’s nothing where I feel like I wouldn’t end up with people in the audience smarter than me about the topic at hand. I’d like to find more opportunities to speak in front of crowds, the quilt guild is allowing for some of that.
And what about square dancing?
Square dancing is so much fun – when you are actually dancing. Right now it is the activity I am the least enthusiastic about though… while I always have fun when I get there, I’m not sure if it is filling my social battery back up for the amount of effort I have to expend to get myself to participate. I go to a great little LGBTQIA+ club but it is soooo little that I feel guilt-ridden if I don’t commit to going. You must have eight people and we usually don’t have enough, or just have enough and then, by the time the evening rolls around we have less than eight. One week we danced with a phantom. Often we dance a half-square. The caller sets the pace and ours is glacial – we stand around for a long time, in position, waiting to dance while listening to the opening soliloquy of a college professor lecturing an undergraduate class. None of those options brings people back week after week. Hell, this is all why I don’t want to come back week after week.
There are other, larger square dance clubs – but I’ve found the problem is the clubs in Pittsburgh have a lot of cliques within them, restrictions about who can join, and if they don’t know you, they don’t really want you there, and for those that do welcome all levels there is still the underlying culture… go read up on the history of square dancing in America – lets just say, it tracks. I also don’t feel welcome or comfortable in some clubs as a single female for a variety of reasons.
And so, I’m “meh” right now about square dancing. I don’t want to commit on a Monday to participate on a Wednesday. And if I do commit, by Wednesday I’m wishing I didn’t.