bunchofheather

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  • What can I control? My Sims. Not much else.

    The first Sims? I bought a case, motherboard, parts, and built a new computer, named it toaster, just to be able to play The Sims when it came out. I played it for hours and hours on end, for years!

    Where did it start? My computer I bought in 1993 would play SimCity and SimEarth.  Over the years we had SimTower, SimCity 2000 & 3000, SimTheme Park, and a few other Sim titles.  Somewhere along the way we got a Compaq. It really didn’t have the specs needed for The Sims. So when the much anticipated game came out, a new computer was an absolute must!

    I had all the expansion packs for it and for Sims2 as well when it came along.  When Sims3 came out I wasn’t playing near as much and I didn’t bother for years. In fact, Sims4 was out before I bought 3. I didn’t get back into it. And then, Christmas 2016 (17? 18? real life blurs years together), the husband wanted a present idea.

    Sims4 entered my life. He ended up buying me an expansion pack & I bought the game online during a sale. I go through stages where I’ll play, then months where I won’t.

    Well, in case you haven’t noticed, the world has gone to hell. Holy fuck has it. Majorly.

    And I’m addicted to the Sims again.

    Pretty much every night when I get home from work – yes, I’m still going to work every day… that’s a whole ‘nother storyline about how I fucked up my career path in eight short weeks & lucked into a semi save of it before it totally crashed in flames… just a couple weeks before everything else crashed too. Anyway, when I get home I’ve started playing the Sims.

    Controlling my little Sim lady is more control than I feel 2020 has left me with.

  • March 14, 2020 – I Sense a Bumpy Ride Ahead

    Covid-19

    Coronavirus

    Whatever the name… it seems like it isn’t going to be kind to folks like M. He has a CT scan scheduled Monday and then Thursday he gets the results from Dr. K. It will be good to have a baseline of where he’s at…

    (Edited in July to add, no CT scan changes – I realized I hadn’t said that in the next couple posts)

  • You take the good, you take the bad…

    You put it all together and then you have the facts of life…

    Laying in my bed this morning thinking about the news and for sure, this is one of those defining moments that you will remember throughout your life. So then I started listing them in my head and these are what I’ve come up with for the past 100 years.

    • Mar 2020 – Shutdown
    • Sept 2001 – 9/11
    • Aug 1990 – Operation Desert Storm
    • Nov 1989 – Berlin Wall
    • April 1986 – Chernobyl
    • Jan 1986 – Challenger
    • Dec 1981 – Lennon was Shot
    • Mar 1981 – Reagan Attempted Assassination
    • Nov 1979 / Jan 1981 – Hostages
    • Mar 1979 – Three Mile Island
    • Aug 1974 – Nixon Resigns
    • Aug 1969 – Woodstock
    • July 1969 – Moon Landing
    • Nov 1963 – JFK Assassination
    • June 1944 – D-Day
    • Dec 1941 – Pearl Harbor
    • Sept / Oct 1929 – Stock Market Crash

    Oh, btw, I’ve lost 40 pounds since the last post. It’s hard this week to give a shit about my calorie count.

  • December 22, 2019 – We Made It

    Back when M was diagnosed in May of 2016, I didn’t think he’d see our 22nd anniversary that December, let alone our 25th in 2019! But, amazingly, here we are!

    We took a beach vacation for our anniversary. In normal life I don’t see M all day, every day. It was eye opening as I didn’t really grasp his strength level or muscle mass. Stairs were the roughest obstacle for him though the airport almost did him in as well. It’s hard to know how he’s really doing as he often won’t tell me without a lot of pushing on my part but under that setting there wasn’t any way to hide the reality.

    CT coming up in March and MRI in May. I have my suspicion that not all news will be good but that may just be fear influencing my predictions. Unless something changes I likely won’t update until then. As they say, “no news is good news.”

    The drooping in his face I saw in April seemed to go away

  • July 14, 2019 – Nothing to See Here

    M’s MRI was clear and his CT scan had no changes. Dr. L says he doesn’t need to see him again for a year unless we notice any neurological changes. Dr. K will see him in October but there won’t be a CT Scan at that time. So for now? Life is going on as normal…

    M is out mowing. He does most of his normal activities and is maintaining his weight. So for now, there probably won’t be many updates here!

  • time to change

    I wish this wasn’t the hundredth time in my life that I’m starting over with weight loss.

    Next week I turn 47. I’m not a kid anymore. If I don’t seriously make a full on lifestyle change my quality of life in the future is going to suck… and it doesn’t have to go like that.

    I kept up with the gym & loved it… then in March 2018 work for incredibly stressful and I tweaked my arm a bit. Now it’s July 2019, I haven’t been to the gym in a year and I’m just over 250 pounds. JFC!

    July 18, 2020 is my 30th high school reunion. It is also my birthday. This gives me a concrete deadline for a goal.

    Yes, it’s ultimately a change needed for my health but let’s be truthful, it’s also about the fucking aesthetics of wanting to look good.

    52 weeks.

    Base goal: 199

    Moderate goal: 175

    Balls to the wall goal: 150

    I’m using a different tracker, Chronometer. What I’m really liking about it so far is that your food is just “for the day”, no meal divisions. Apparently the subscription version allows meal divisions but that’s not a selling point for me.

    So back to the blog to express.

  • April 25, 2019 – Still kicking

    I realized I hadn’t updated in six months. Not much to update when life is just chugging along! It will be three YEARS since his diagnosis in two weeks. He’s really been lucky is the course of his disease.

    M had his CT scan in January. His oncologist, Dr. K, told him there was nothing he sees as concerning on his scan. I read the radiologist’s report and that’s not the full truth as he noted a few concerning spots. M goes back at the end of May for his next CT and then has a MRI the week after that.

    Now, it hasn’t been all rainbows and unicorns. The multiple MRIs seem to have side effects that worsen his pain. The neuropathy has not faded in the least but he’s added on full body joint and bone pain that seems to be tied to gadolinium toxicity from the contrast dye. M does NOT have a good track record with side effects.

    One thing that happened recently, M almost looks like he had a small stroke. His mouth has a small droopy twist on one side. I suggested we go in to Dr. L early but nope, he doesn’t want to do that. His memory issues definitely seem worse as well. So many conversations happen again and again and I’ll think he’s got it and then, nope, next day he’s either forgotten or has details all twisted.

    But all in all, M is as fine as someone with Stage 4 lung cancer can be. He continues to be “the healthiest sick person I know.”

  • November 24, 2018 – Another Clear MRI

    If you knew M, you’d know he’s the last person you’d expect to be a healthy sick person! But, he is! Wednesday he saw Dr. L for an MRI and his brain was clean!

    January he’ll have a CT scan for the lungs. So, continually monitoring but nothing needing done.

  • August 20, 2018 – Surprisingly Good News

    M had his CT scan last week and we got the results today. No change in his lungs. We are 2.25 years out from diagnosis and M is still damn healthy! Dr. K says the lab report indicates some increase and lymph node activity but that he sees nothing when he looks at it. We got a referral to palliative care so maybe we can make some inroads on better pain management.

  • August 3, 2018

    In case anyone is checking in… M is doing well. The last brain scan, in May, was clear and Dr. L doesn’t need to see him again until Nov / Dec. He’s got a chest CT coming up in two weeks which is the first in close to a year. For somebody that went into the hospital in May 2016 with multiple brain tumors, he’s doing much better than I’d ever expected!