bunchofheather

Author: heather

  • May 7, 2017 – Happy Birthday to M

    As he says, he’s one year old today.  

    One year ago today we were getting the news that M didn’t have another stroke,  but rather there were multiple tumors in his brain and a mass in his lungs… I didn’t think he’d make Christmas let alone the full year but he’s a fighter!  I often refer to him as “the healthiest sick person I know.”

    The last Gamma Knife went smoothly, M doesn’t have any doctor appointments until August so the summer is his! I’m sure there will be more brain mets at that point but we’ll worry about that then.

  • April 19, 2017 – M’s Cancer is Weird

    Weird is how Dr. K described M’s cancer last week since the CT scan shows nothing significant happening in the lung but yet M continues to have new brain mets. This week’s appointment with Dr. L shows only one new brain tumor. Gamma Knife again next Tuesday. Since there’s only the one, M doesn’t have to have the whole screwed on frame… instead it will be a mask formed to his face and a pillow formed to his head.

    I have to vent: I really don’t like Dr. K. He never gives facts or details just superlatives that remind me of a snake oil salesman.  Another thing that irritates me is that he doesn’t wear anything “doctor-y”, rather he has on an expensive suit which just seems to rub me the wrong way… 

  • March 5, 2017 – Just an update

    I haven’t updated in a while so…

    No new appointments, we’re really just waiting and seeing how things go.

    M fell about 2 1/2 weeks ago. I wasn’t home but surprisingly he told me.  Last week he went to stand up and fell back down into the chair. Both times he said the pain just shot through his legs so intense that he couldn’t stand.  I worry that this is some type of progression. 

    It’s been 10 months since diagnosis and six months since the end of chemo. 

  • January 15, 2016 – Well, that sucked.

    Friday was M’s Gamma Knife with Dr. L. The Gamma Knife itself went well, uneventful.  The news though, sucked.

    Let’s backtrack, after the last post, I was able to read M’s MRI report… we misheard, there were three, not two, new tumors with evidence of activity that might be a fourth.  Okay, we figured maybe that possible fourth would grow enough to be zapped.
    It did, along with six more.  Yep. When they did the MRI in preparation for the Gamma Knife, they found ten brain tumors. The three green pea sized ones from December?  Now chick pea sized. With seven green pea sized ones joining them.

    All ten got zapped, but how many are waiting in the recessess, ready to grow?  I guess we’ll find out at the next MRI at the end of April. 

    In the meantime, M will have a CT Scan at the end of March… we’ll get those results April 11th.  

    Until then?  Hope he doesn’t get the flu or a cold or that anything else goes wrong. It’d be nice if his pain could keep decreasing. Regaining fine motor control and feeling in his hands, losing the numbness in his feet… any of that would be a bonus as well. 

  • December 14, 2016 – Catching up with M

    We found out October 24th that the lung tumor shrunk.  He’ll see Dr. K in January but won’t have a new CT scan until March. 

    Today was an MRI and appointment with Dr. L.  There are new brain tumors, two, maybe three. Gamma Knife is scheduled for January 13.

    The pain continues. Not as bad but there everyday. 

    We’re at seven months since diagnosis. 

  • October 15, 2016 – And the Pain Continues On

    M says that if he’d have known how much pain chemotherapy was going to cause that he might not have chosen the treatment.  Watching him, I’d have to agree.  I don’t know if the ongoing bone pain is actually normal or something to be concerned about. I talked to the nurse at Dr K’s office and she says he shouldn’t be having any bone pain this far out, especially as he didn’t even have the Neulasta shot after the third & last chemo. They started him on gabapentin to see if it helps.

    The CT / PET scan is scheduled for this coming Friday,  the 21st and we’ll see Dr. K on Monday, the 24th. I took both days off so M doesn’t need to find a ride. I know it’s been weighing on M’s thoughts. 

  • September 17, 2016 – If You are Mean to Everyone, They Will Stop Calling

    M hurts constantly which translates into an even more cranky M than before. He’s always been antisocial and gruff but add in pain and he’s alienating everybody.  The things he tells me he has said to people, I’m shocked they continue to talk to him.  Some days it’s everything I can do not to tell him that he’s being an asshat.

  • September 12, 2016 – Poison is not Just the Name of a Rock Band

    M is still poisoned.  It’s a good thing tomorrow’s chemo was canceled, he hasn’t rebounded from the last one.

    This time it isn’t just tears in his eyes, he occasionally lets out involuntary whimpers from the joint pain and the shooting leg pains. Let’s see what else… The nausea comes and goes, his vision isn’t back from when it deteriorated, he’s always so cold, and he’s itchy. His feet are swollen in addition to being numb and he’s lost a lot of his fine motor skills. And, he’s also having issues with confusion and memory. He’s sleeping a lot, which I thoroughly encourage as sleep is important for healing! 

    We went out for breakfast yesterday though! It was good that he got out of the house a little bit! 

    I can’t reiterate enough how important an anti-depressant and a therapist that I see every two or three weeks has been. At the beginning of this I couldn’t listen to my music playlist without crying, practically every other song, now I can. This is how I measure success. 

    I’ve also learned that when people ask you how things are going, they really just want to hear “good” or “fine”.

  • September 8, 2016 – Chemo is Done

    There was supposed to be one more chemo session next week but M went to see his oncologist,  Dr K, on Wednesday.  After he got half way through detailing out the effects he’s had the last two weeks, the last session was canceled.  His WBC and neutrophils were way down but Dr K didn’t give him the Neulasta shot because of his pain levels. 

    He’ll have a CT / PET scan and an x-ray around the 3rd week of October, then we’ll see Dr. K on Oct 21 for the results and discussion of options.

    I was on a (non-cancer) message board the other day where the topic of loved ones and conventional vs alternative treatment for cancer came up.  I said if he wanted them, that I would discourage M from pursuing “voodoo woo-hoo treatments” as a waste of time,  money, and energy.  Somebody essentially reprimanded me saying that, by talking him out of voodoo woo-hoo I would be “taking away the only thing some patients cling on to in their worst times… their hope.”  Grrrr. I just let it go and refrained from pointing out that I’d said “if” indicating a hypothetical. Regardless, I stand by my conviction. As a realist I’m not into, nor am I going to encourage, false hopes based on ingesting peach pits or whatever some shyster came up with to make a quick buck…

  • August 30, 2016 – Finally, Some Good News

    When you’re dealing with stage 4 lung cancer, the good news is hard to come by, but today we have some. M went for his MRI yesterday with Dr. L and there was no evidence of the tumors that got zapped with the Gamma Knife and no evidence of new ones growing!  He doesn’t have to go back for another MRI until mid December.

    Of course,  in our new reality it seems as though there is no good news without a bit of bad to keep our feet on the ground. The side effects of chemo are still kicking his ass… so much so that when I left for work this morning I honestly wondered if that was the last time I would see him alive. Needless to say,  waiting for him to reply to my morning text was nerve-wracking.