bunchofheather

Category: nsclc

  • January 15, 2016 – Well, that sucked.

    Friday was M’s Gamma Knife with Dr. L. The Gamma Knife itself went well, uneventful.  The news though, sucked.

    Let’s backtrack, after the last post, I was able to read M’s MRI report… we misheard, there were three, not two, new tumors with evidence of activity that might be a fourth.  Okay, we figured maybe that possible fourth would grow enough to be zapped.
    It did, along with six more.  Yep. When they did the MRI in preparation for the Gamma Knife, they found ten brain tumors. The three green pea sized ones from December?  Now chick pea sized. With seven green pea sized ones joining them.

    All ten got zapped, but how many are waiting in the recessess, ready to grow?  I guess we’ll find out at the next MRI at the end of April. 

    In the meantime, M will have a CT Scan at the end of March… we’ll get those results April 11th.  

    Until then?  Hope he doesn’t get the flu or a cold or that anything else goes wrong. It’d be nice if his pain could keep decreasing. Regaining fine motor control and feeling in his hands, losing the numbness in his feet… any of that would be a bonus as well. 

  • December 14, 2016 – Catching up with M

    We found out October 24th that the lung tumor shrunk.  He’ll see Dr. K in January but won’t have a new CT scan until March. 

    Today was an MRI and appointment with Dr. L.  There are new brain tumors, two, maybe three. Gamma Knife is scheduled for January 13.

    The pain continues. Not as bad but there everyday. 

    We’re at seven months since diagnosis. 

  • October 15, 2016 – And the Pain Continues On

    M says that if he’d have known how much pain chemotherapy was going to cause that he might not have chosen the treatment.  Watching him, I’d have to agree.  I don’t know if the ongoing bone pain is actually normal or something to be concerned about. I talked to the nurse at Dr K’s office and she says he shouldn’t be having any bone pain this far out, especially as he didn’t even have the Neulasta shot after the third & last chemo. They started him on gabapentin to see if it helps.

    The CT / PET scan is scheduled for this coming Friday,  the 21st and we’ll see Dr. K on Monday, the 24th. I took both days off so M doesn’t need to find a ride. I know it’s been weighing on M’s thoughts. 

  • September 17, 2016 – If You are Mean to Everyone, They Will Stop Calling

    M hurts constantly which translates into an even more cranky M than before. He’s always been antisocial and gruff but add in pain and he’s alienating everybody.  The things he tells me he has said to people, I’m shocked they continue to talk to him.  Some days it’s everything I can do not to tell him that he’s being an asshat.

  • September 12, 2016 – Poison is not Just the Name of a Rock Band

    M is still poisoned.  It’s a good thing tomorrow’s chemo was canceled, he hasn’t rebounded from the last one.

    This time it isn’t just tears in his eyes, he occasionally lets out involuntary whimpers from the joint pain and the shooting leg pains. Let’s see what else… The nausea comes and goes, his vision isn’t back from when it deteriorated, he’s always so cold, and he’s itchy. His feet are swollen in addition to being numb and he’s lost a lot of his fine motor skills. And, he’s also having issues with confusion and memory. He’s sleeping a lot, which I thoroughly encourage as sleep is important for healing! 

    We went out for breakfast yesterday though! It was good that he got out of the house a little bit! 

    I can’t reiterate enough how important an anti-depressant and a therapist that I see every two or three weeks has been. At the beginning of this I couldn’t listen to my music playlist without crying, practically every other song, now I can. This is how I measure success. 

    I’ve also learned that when people ask you how things are going, they really just want to hear “good” or “fine”.

  • September 8, 2016 – Chemo is Done

    There was supposed to be one more chemo session next week but M went to see his oncologist,  Dr K, on Wednesday.  After he got half way through detailing out the effects he’s had the last two weeks, the last session was canceled.  His WBC and neutrophils were way down but Dr K didn’t give him the Neulasta shot because of his pain levels. 

    He’ll have a CT / PET scan and an x-ray around the 3rd week of October, then we’ll see Dr. K on Oct 21 for the results and discussion of options.

    I was on a (non-cancer) message board the other day where the topic of loved ones and conventional vs alternative treatment for cancer came up.  I said if he wanted them, that I would discourage M from pursuing “voodoo woo-hoo treatments” as a waste of time,  money, and energy.  Somebody essentially reprimanded me saying that, by talking him out of voodoo woo-hoo I would be “taking away the only thing some patients cling on to in their worst times… their hope.”  Grrrr. I just let it go and refrained from pointing out that I’d said “if” indicating a hypothetical. Regardless, I stand by my conviction. As a realist I’m not into, nor am I going to encourage, false hopes based on ingesting peach pits or whatever some shyster came up with to make a quick buck…

  • August 30, 2016 – Finally, Some Good News

    When you’re dealing with stage 4 lung cancer, the good news is hard to come by, but today we have some. M went for his MRI yesterday with Dr. L and there was no evidence of the tumors that got zapped with the Gamma Knife and no evidence of new ones growing!  He doesn’t have to go back for another MRI until mid December.

    Of course,  in our new reality it seems as though there is no good news without a bit of bad to keep our feet on the ground. The side effects of chemo are still kicking his ass… so much so that when I left for work this morning I honestly wondered if that was the last time I would see him alive. Needless to say,  waiting for him to reply to my morning text was nerve-wracking.

  • August 28, 2016 – Third Time’s a Charm?

    Last Tuesday was M’s third chemotherapy treatment.  He missed his follow-up appointment with Dr. K for treatment number two because he was too sick to travel that far (about 45 minutes).  Dr. K saw him Tuesday during treatment three and again expressed concern with how he’s physically handling the chemo. So, Dr. K is changing treatment four, which is scheduled to be the last, because in his words, “we don’t want to kill you.”

    M didn’t have to go for his Neulasta shot this time which I didn’t understand as his WBC number is the lowest it’s tested at, 3.7. Every other week it’s been flagged high, this week was the first time it flagged low and he didn’t have to go?

    Missing the shot didn’t really help the side effects as M is having deep bone pain that’s worse than before and he was hoping no shot would mean less. The feeling in his hands and feet just keeps getting worse as well asmore nausea this time.

    Tomorrow we’re headed back to see Dr. L, the doc that did the Gamma Knife. M will have an MRI, then we’ll meet with Dr. L for the results…

    I’m planning to use valet parking and get M a wheelchair as soon as we arrive… he has the paperwork for a handicap placard but he’s not been healthy enough to go to the notary.

    It is what it is…

  • August 17, 2016 – No Relief

    Again, it’s M’s “good week” but you wouldn’t know it by the beating his body’s giving him.  He doesn’t like taking pain meds so he hasn’t taken any since Monday. .. Yesterday he blamed the pain on not taking pain meds but today he admits that maybe it’s the chemo. I can look at him and see the pain.  It isn’t hard when tears have welled up in his eyes.

    Next Tuesday is dose three. M said tonight he isn’t sure his body can handle four doses.

  • August 6, 2016 – Neuropathy Sucks

    M is miserable.  You can just look at him and see the pain. It shoots through his bones, I suspect that’s from the Neulasta shot. But the foot and hand pain, tingling, and numbness is likely peripheral neuropathy from the chemo drugs.  All three that he gets have it as a side effect. Even though they dropped his dosage 10%, since many effects are cumulative, it’s even worse this time than the last. 

    It’s really having a serious impact on his ability to stand and walk.  I’m afraid he’s going to fall, watching the effort it takes to put on his shoes fuels that worry.  I hate to suggest a cane or walker… M would not like that at all but it would be a lot safer while I’m at work.

    There’s nothing about this shit that’s easy on him, that’s for sure.